


Body Talk

by Arisava



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drinking, M/M, Misunderstandings, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 17:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9617990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arisava/pseuds/Arisava
Summary: Sometimes all it takes is a big fuck-up.'Why can I hear everything, everythingEvery single thingThe story I don’t want to knowAll your body talk, your bodyWhy are they caught, caught by meEvery single thingWhat is it that you’re saying'





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I wrote while listening to Red velvet's Body Talk, take a listen to it if you have the time!
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

"So…Let's talk."

Doyoung's voice was filled with the kind of familiar calmness that unnerved even the most collected. His eyes were coated with a sort of terrifying impassiveness and his slender fingers worked meticulously to break the eggs in front of him, separating the whites from the yolks sullenly.

Ten was pasting grapes together with a dried chillies in a mortar, eyebrows linked together in concentration but the way he looked up for a second to offer Taeyong a supportive smile proved that he was very much involved in the conversation that was about to take place.

Taeyong squirmed in his seat, smiling stupidly at his taller friend, "About what?" It was probably the most foolish thing he could have said because then Doyoung paused and directed a harsh raise of an eyebrow towards him that made him cower.

The stool he was sitting on was designed for tall people like Doyoung and Jaehyun, (Ten preferred to sit on the counter like the child he was). The manner in which his legs dangled were uncomfortable and all he could do was rest his elbows on the island counter and cup his chin with his hands, trying his best to look relaxed.

"Taeyong." Doyoung sighed and placed the egg he was going to break on the counter slowly, "Just because you act like you didn't fuck up last night doesn't mean you didn't."

Taeyong whinged meekly, "I fucked up?"

Ten snorted and quickly attempted to hide his amused smile by turning around to grab something from the cabinet above.

"Yes and god, you don't even realise how badly you fucked things up...I don’t know where the fuck Jae is, he's mad at me because of you, okay?" Doyoung's tone as usual was calm but the words were sharp and did its magic on Taeyong.

"Jesus, I don't even remember shit!" Taeyong protested, daring to raise the volume of his voice and immediately regretted it. His head was hurting so badly and his own voice had the most unpleasant effect on it.

"Well nobody asked you to get shitfaced!"

"I'm allowed to mope, bitch."

Doyoung threw a dirty tissue at him, "I never knew moping is equivalent to physically hurting your friends over some insane delusion you've cooked in your head!"

"Can you stop yelling?"

"You started it, fucker."

Doyoung fixed a look on him and turned towards Ten for support but the guy was too busy preparing whatever that it was that he was making.

Taeyong was about to mock him for that when the tune of 'Rookie' suddenly filled the room.

Doyoung shot a glare at Ten while leaning over to pick his phone, "Stop playing with my phone, Eleven." The boy was still too busy with his gastronomic experiment to pay him any heed and Taeyong had the sinking feeling he was the test subject.

The tallest of the trio rolled his eyes, seemingly irritated and picked up the phone, face immediately lighting up when he recognised the voice on the other line.

"Jae, oh my god, where are y— what? Is he okay? We'll are coming, yes okay. I swear to go— huh? Yeah I have his number. I'll take care of it."

He put down the phone and looked at Taeyong, "Yuta is at the hospital, man. Go get dressed-- uh Ten probably has stuff that fits you. I need to talk to Hansol."

With that, the redhead left to the balcony with his phone.

"Hey...you really don't remember anything?" Ten asked him while spilling a mix of ingredients into a blender, voice serene.

"I wish I remembered. I just know that I did something stupid, I can feel it in my bones."

 "Wait, so you don't remember Sicheng and y—" He cut himself off, eyes flying wide before narrowing them, "I mean, not even a lil bit?"

As if on cue Taeyong suddenly recollected beautiful eyes staring at him with unshed tears, pink lips trembling and voice stuttering,

 

 

_"Hyung, is that what you really think of me?"_

 

Jaehyun glaring at him and pushing him away with force,

 

_"Stop it, fuck, what's wrong with you?"_

 

Blood trailing down Yuta's jaw and his dubious laughter suddenly filled Taeyong’s head.

 

_What the fuck?_

 

Ten smiled sympathetically as he observed the evolving expressions flickering on his friend's face.

"You scared us..." He hesitated, "You weren't yourself, Tae."

"Sorry." Taeyong mumbled stupidly, feeling like shit.

Ten finished making his weird drink and pushed the glass towards Taeyong, "Have it, you puked your ass off last night man."

"Thanks." Taeyong sighed and accepted the tall glass of sea green liquid, drinking it in one go and scrunching up his nose in sheer disgust immediately afterwards, "What the fuck was that?"

Ten simply smiled innocently and patted his back, "Let's get ready before he sets you on fire." The Thai boy gestured towards Doyoung who was still engrossed in the phone call.

"Why would he only set me on fire?" Taeyong asked with a frown, grabbing some mints stashed away behind the broken toaster on the counter.

Ten rolled his eyes and grabbed Taeyong's wrist, "Because I'm not the one who threatened to set the love of his life on fire." Taeyong's scrunched his face in confusion while Ten dragged him to his room.

The smell of a hospital will never fail to make Taeyong sick. He felt bizarre wearing Ten's light blue shorts and the death grip Doyoung was inflicting on his arm was more than distressing as he lead them through the institution.

Jaehyun was seated on one of the chairs next to the ward bed, he looked like death, pale skin contrasting the darkness underneath his eyes. Yuta was sitting cross legged on the bed, laptop switched on and talking in Japanese. Taeyong's heart swelled with guilt, realising Yuta was talking to his parents.

He clung unto his Doyoung's side as the taller cleared his throat, making their presence known.

The expression Jaehyun wore on his face was similar to the one Taeyong remembered from the hazy memories of last night. A cold distant expression that didn't suit his best friend’s bubbly nature.

 

_"Fuck off, Jaehyun. I'm so fucking sick of your lying ass. You know something? You're the biggest fucking loser. The worst best friend someone can have, get it?"_

 

Taeyong wanted to shrivel up and die, how such poisonous words leave his lips so carelessly.

"Hey. I sent Ten to get food, he'll be here in a minute."

Jaehyun nodded his head, eyes leaving Taeyong's frozen form, "Thanks, hyung."

Yuta took off his headphones, carefully avoiding the white bandages around his head and smiled foolishly at the duo walking towards him.

"Taeyongie, I'm glad you're here." Yuta said, looking genuinely delighted.

"I doubt that." Taeyong sounded bitter even to himself as he awkwardly sat on the corner of the bed.

Yuta scowled and opened his mouth to say something when Doyoung cut him off, "Nakamoto. How's the wound?"

"He got a concussion, hyung." Jaehyun announced, sounding drained.

Taeyong wanted to do nothing more than to hug the withdrawn boy but he already knew Jaehyun was mad at him...well, maybe not mad but definitely disappointed. That's saying something since Jaehyun hardly ever reacted negatively to a situation.

Doyoung sighed awkwardly and Yuta laughed, "Yeah but I'm fine now, fool."

"Hyung, stop being so...dismissive." Jaehyun suddenly stood up, staring at the Japanese boy with glossy eyes, "Why would you let people who hurt you get away with it so easily?" Jaehyun shifted his gaze to Taeyong and the elder wanted to scream.

"Jae, c’mon now, it doesn't ha-" Yuta attempted to comfort the younger but Jaehyun already spun around and left the ward hurriedly eliciting a sigh from Doyoung, "I'll go talk to him." And he followed him out.

Taeyong stared at the floor tiles for a while until he felt arms around him, warm arms and somehow he didn’t mind the strong awful hospital smell because it was Yuta after all. "Hey, stop looking so devastated," Yuta's voice was like the sound of waves hitting the sand early in the morning, so comforting. Taeyong leaned into Yuta and exhaled loudly, "I'm sorry for--" He paused and flushed, completely embarrassed.

"For smashing a beer bottle on my head or for all the delightful things you said to me?" Yuta laughed and felt Taeyong bury his face into his chest.

"I did that?" He squeaked and Yuta chuckled, "Yeah, got to say though, I never would have thought in a million years thought you'd ever do something fucking crazy like that."

"I hurt you, I could have seriously hurt you...I'm a fucking mess and you're too nice to me," Taeyong murmured, there is a lump in his throat and Yuta's fingers stroking him on the back like he's a cat isn't helping him.

"You're a drama queen. Shit happens, especially in crappy clubs filled with college students. Even more when it comes feelings and shit." Oh no. Taeyong wasn't ready to discuss the crappy details just yet.

"Where is...he?" Taeyong dared to ask, lifting his head up to gauge Yuta's expression.

"Sicheng?" Yuta hummed knowingly, "Jae told me Kun took him back to their dorm."

Taeyong laughed humourlessly, "He probably hates me now. I ruined everything in one fucking night."

"Can you stop? You are allowed to go crazy once in a while."

"I hurt you." Taeyong repeated, voice broken.

Yuta threaded his fingers through Taeyong's soft hair, "Just a minor concussion, bro. You didn't mean it. I swear I saw panic in your eyes as soon as it happened."

"You are just trying to make me feel better."

"That's bullshit. If you seriously meant to hurt me I would have hit you back."

Taeyong found himself smiling, "Okay then. I believe you. But I need to know if you forgive me, for real."

Yuta withdrew his arms around the elder's frame and scowled at him, "I swear Lee Taeyong...you damn well know I already forgave you."

"You're too nice." Taeyong insisted.

The air was cold but Yuta was radiating nothing but warmth and for the first time since he woke up with the world's worst hangover that morning, Taeyong felt okay.

The next few minutes were spent with Yuta complaining about his best friend Hansol and how the idiot was taking too much time to bring him his clothes and essentials,

"The beanstalk is supposed to be by my side right now, nursing me back to good health! Fucker probably forgot I was the one who always took care of him when he injured his sorry ass in baske-"

Taeyong was thankful the Japanese boy's rant was cut short by the sound of the ward door opening.

Ten arrived with some curry, glass noodles, a 6pack of Yuta's favourite energy drink and banana flavoured chewing gum. Doyoung dragged a puffy looking Jaehyun back into the ward a few minutes later.

Jaehyun silently grabbed his share of food and calmly made his way to the opposite side of the bed's corner and sat down, leaning against Taeyong's back.

The elder looked surprised for a second before turning his face and-- oh, Jaehyun was offering him a small apologetic smile.

Doyoung's satisfied expression suggested their talk went well and Ten chuckled suddenly, taking a large swig of his drink, "God...we'll be talking about this shit years later, won't we?"

Yuta slurped loudly, waving his chopsticks, "It all depends on the outcome, you know."

"That's right, there is still unfinished business." Ten agreed and Taeyong flushed, feeling cornered.

Doyoung clicked his tongue disapprovingly, "Can you two shut the fuck up and eat your shit."

Jaehyun's soft laugh to that allowed Taeyong to lift the corners of his lips as well.

 

 

The days after that passed slowly for Taeyong. Things fell back into normalcy...sort of. It was a good thing all the drama happened on a weekend when they didn't have any classes.

Jaehyun's gloom predictably dissipated and he was back to clinging unto Taeyong's side. Though neither have discussed what went between them and Taeyong hadn't even apologised yet. Both choosing to pretend like that night never occurred.

As for Yuta, he would often tease Taeyong and make him buy snacks and expensive coffee for him and his best friend or whatever Hansol. That was how Yuta was, unafraid and so free. Taeyong was almost envious.

Ten was as absentminded as ever but Doyoung the worrywart was the only one who refused to let it die.

Because he was built to protect his friends, he was built to force them to face their fears. Doyoung cared for Taeyong, so much. Taeyong knew the reason why he woke up in Doyoung, Ten and Jaehyun's shared apartment was only because of the redhead. He bothered to drag Taeyong out of the room and talked to him, he bothered to lead him to the hospital and to Yuta. Taeyong owed so much to Doyoung.

And two weeks after the whole 'TY gone wild' debacle (aptly put by Yuta), even though everyone had forgotten or at least pretended to forget it, here was Doyoung sitting across Taeyong, starting to talk about the topics Taeyong had desperately wanted to bury deep and never dig back up.

The cafe Doyoung had chosen was one of Taeyong's favourites, apart from the ice-cream place he used to frequent with a certain someone. They were already halfway done eating through the sweet treats when the bomb gets dropped.

"When are you going to talk to Sicheng?"

Taeyong looked up with wide eyes.

"Don't give me that dumb look, Tae."

"How can you expect me to—" Taeyong stumbled on his words, gesticulating wildly and took a deep breath after being directed a rather unimpressed look from Doyoung, "His friends keep on looking at me like they want to murder me! That means I need to keep my distance." Taeyong grumbled.

It was true. Qian Kun specially, whom Taeyong unfortunately had two classes with never missed a moment to show Taeyong just how much he despised him. The scary skater kid with big eyes kept on looking at him in the most eerie manner and the basketball team vice-captain Yuzhi literally flipped him off when he was just minding his own business, watching Jaehyun practice.

"You can't blame them." Doyoung shrugged, using a fork to tear his previously beautiful muffin apart. Taeyong silently prayed for its life.

"Okay and I know they won't ever look at me any way else..." His eyebrows automatically furrowed, "One of the reasons why I'm choosing to stay away from him and his friends-- preferably for the rest of my life."

Doyoung made that weird face where his expressions soften and harden at the same time.

"Taeyong," He began, "You love Sicheng."

The elder choked on air, flushing immediately, "What the fuck? Might as well grab a loudspeaker and announce that to the whole fucking campus." He hissed, glaring dangerously at the stupid carrot top who simply resumed filling his mouth with the destroyed muffin.

"You are not denying." Doyoung observed, "And stop worrying, nobody is listening to us."

Taeyong stared down at his half eaten white chocolate wafer cake that had suddenly lost its appeal, "What's there to deny when you know already."

"To be fair, you pretty much gave yourself away by being a jealous piece of shit."

Taeyong wished he didn’t finish drinking his watermelon latte at once, missing the refreshing taste. He ran his thumb against the empty glass and pouted.

"You should have stopped me from drinking, if I was sober none of that crap would have happened in the first place."

"Don't put this on me." Doyoung sighed, using his index finger to wipe at crumbs around his mouth, "You were too far gone to listen to any of us."

Taeyong bit his lower lip, eyeing Doyoung sadly, "I was just very upset okay...how you would feel when you find out your own best friend is making crude jokes with the boy you've been crushing on for a year about some idiot..."

"I would ask them who that idiot was instead of jumping to conclusions."

"Jaehyun knew from the very beginning that I lo— uh, have feelings for...that guy."

"That guy." Doyoung snorted loudly.

"Yet there he was, teasing him and encouraging him to confess and I was crushed, man." Taeyong continued, finally vocalising what he felt about that night after so long, "And there I was, pathetically trying to balance myself on the world's most gross toilet, eavesdropping on Jae and him."

Doyoung looked amused, "Is that why you never wear those white high-tops now? Because you stood on a toilet in the fucking restroom of a club?"

"They are at the dry cleaners!"

"Neat freak." Doyoung taunted with a strained laugh and just when Taeyong thought he escaped, Doyoung's eyes flickered with something akin to realisation.

"So your drunk ass brain thought when Sicheng was talking to Yuta, he was..."

"Confessing." Taeyong deadpanned, shame clawing him.

Doyoung grinned, "Still. It's not like you to...intervene so boldly."

"I was upset," Taeyong claimed, "Yuta knew about how I felt and he was getting too cosy and I became..."

"Crazy." Doyoung finished.

Taeyong leaned over to taste a bit Doyoung's muffin and smiled sadly.

"Delirious, more like. I don't even remember half of what happened and it's not like I can ask Jaehyun...it's too soon."

"You could have asked me." Doyoung said, pointing his fork at himself.

Taeyong stared at him, "Okay, tell me now then."

Honestly Taeyong didn't want Doyoung's version or Ten's version of whatever happened because they are always biased and on his side.

"Basics or the full thing?"

"Full thing." Taeyong decided, dragging his chair closer to the edge of the small table between, close enough for his knees to knock against Doyoung's.

"Do you remember coming out of the restroom looking like someone shit in your breakfast?"

Taeyong grimaced but nodded his head anyway.

"Then you ordered a round of sunset rum and we thought you were fucking with us but holy shit you actually drank them all."

"I was a mess," Taeyong slumped against his seat and Doyoung hooked his leg over Taeyong’s.

"Do you remember glaring at Yuta to the point he noticed and called you out for it?"

"No, but I remember…Sich--" Doyoung shook his head, "What? So you can't even say his name now?"

Taeyong scowled and threateningly pointed a butter knife at the redhead.

"He was almost sitting on Yuta's lap and I didn't like that."

"O...okay, but then Yuta saw you literally glaring holes at him and he asked if you were okay and you suddenly...attacked him? We were too shocked to even do anything, god."

"By attack you mean...?"

"You grabbed Jaehyun's beer bottle and threw it at Yuta."

Taeyong pursed his lips, "I kinda knew that already but I can’t remember it all, Yuta said I said some weird things to him too?"

"Oh yes. You cursed him and Jaehyun out, like you were brutal. It was aggressive and the shit you said to Sicheng..."

Taeyong visibly stilled, eyes widening with worry.

 

_"Hyung is that what you really think of me?"_

 

"What did I say to him?" He asked nervously, fingers busy crumpling a tissue.

Doyoung allowed a weird laugh to escape his lips, "I'm not sure...I didn't hear much either but— he was crying."

Taeyong wanted to throw up, his leg started to bounce without his permission and his felt his vision blurring.

Doyoung's warm hand circling his knee and softly calling his name forced him to blink furiously and actually attempt to breath.

"Taeyong, oh my god, are you okay?" Doyoung already shot up from his seat and knelt down, rubbing his back soothingly.

"Can we get out of here?" Taeyong squeaked, suddenly aware of all the eyes on him.

"He had a fucking panic attack." Taeyong could hear Doyoung saying, probably telling someone on his phone. They were in a cab and he felt like shit.

He managed to calm down halfway back to the dorm but Doyoung insisted he skip his noon class for some rest. "Don't argue with me on this, please," Doyoung was squeezing his hand.

Taeyong remembered having a panic attack in elementary school when he lost his dog in a park. Collapsing on his knees and feeling his whole world shake. That was the first time.

When he started dating Oh Sehun, a senior in his first year of high school his father casually asked him who that older boy was, seeing him outside their house. Taeyong's world unsettled again, he felt like his whole body was giving up on him. Suddenly he couldn't breathe, all he could think about was his parents becoming disappointed in him, their eyes reflecting nothing but shame. It was the most intense one. That was how he came out to his parents, by the way. On a hospital bed with tears in his eyes. He was lucky his parents promised to try and get used to it, in return of Taeyong's good health.

The third time it happened he was in the hospital again, waiting for his sister to deliver her baby. Somehow, he was so nervous and when the doctor came out to inform that they she was "having some complications" he lost it.

It's been a while since he had one after that. Taeyong had been dancing, drinking hot tea early in the morning daily and taking walks alone at the dead of night, some activities that would keep him mind in a "peaceful state" as promised by his therapist. To avoid having a random attack in front of his college mates, he had been making sure to limit himself from worrying too much and or getting emotionally involved too much.

How was he supposed to know he'd fall in love so deeply?

Taeyong entered his dorm with reluctance, practically dragged by Doyoung and was dumped into his bed.

"Don't dare to leave your room today. Just rest, okay?"

He managed to nod his head and bury his face unto a pillow and fell into a deep sleep a few minutes after he heard the main door get shut.

Taeil woke him up a few hours later, his roommate was tapping his back with his fingers, leaning down and whispering his name cautiously.

Taeyong got up on his elbows, blinking to get away the drowsiness away and smiled tiredly at Taeil.

"Doyoung said you weren't feeling well? Should I cook some ramyun for you?" Taeil looked so awkward that Taeyong almost laughed. His hyung was adorable.

"He's bullshitting...you know how he is! Go study hyung, I'll cook us some beef stew."

Taeyong flashed an assuring smile and climbed out of his bed, Taeil regarded him suspiciously before sighing and making his way to their shared desk.

"Hey Taeyong?"

Taeil looked up from his laptop screen to fix him a gaze after Taeyong came out of the bathroom, freshly showered.

For a second Taeyong was scared his hyung had figured it all out. Taeil was close to his mother, there is no way he wouldn't tell her if he found out he just had a panic attack.

"Can you make mint salad to go with it? The mint in the fridge is about to go bad."

Taeil was smiling sheepishly and Taeyong chuckled, "No problem, hyung!"

They had just finished dinner and were in the small living room on their ratty loveseat that Taeil bought from his uncle, arguing over which movie to watch. The elder insisting on a horror flick and Taeyong demanding to watch the comedy film that he was meaning to watch. Taeil managed to win and they put the sketchy looking movie.

 Halfway through the movie, their doorbell rang.

It was exactly 3 am.

Taeil slowly turned around to glance at their shared apartment door and sunk in his seat, "Oh no," he whimpered.

Taeyong was even more terrified and he fucking hated Taeil right now, "Fuck, hyung. Are you guys pranking me again? It's not funny, I'll pee on your precious sofa." He hissed, heart thrumming traitorously.

Taeil glowered and gave him a push, raising the remote to pause the movie. "Let's go together." He suggested and Taeyong clung onto his roommate, allowing him to drag him out of his seat and make their way to the door.

The bell rang again and Taeyong flinched, hiding behind Taeil’s back.

“Relax. Maybe Youngho got sexiled again.” Taeil whispered and chuckled while Taeyong groaned, burying his face alongside the curve of Taeil’s shoulder.

Taeyong heard the door open and the soft noise of surprise from Taeil, he lifted his head to peak and there he was. The object of Taeyong’s deepest affection and turmoil.

“Sicheng?”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this was supposed to be a sad fic but I ended up changing the plot midway lol
> 
> Thank you for reading the first chapter, leave me some feedback and also leave some kudos if you liked it!


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